I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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