I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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