I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
