If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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