I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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