Little spoons don't ask big questions
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
