He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
