from now on my penis is your penis
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A+ Viking dick
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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