You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it's great music for shaving your balls
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
