I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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