Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
