I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
