Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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