Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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