You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
