he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
