The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
