Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
