Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
