He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
