apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
