I can tuck mytits in my pants
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
