It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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