The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
