Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
