If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I believe in your delicious
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
