you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
