Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
