id be glad to
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also, beer. Big fan.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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