one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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