nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
