Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
