omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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