my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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