If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
