He is an equal opportunity slut.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
