I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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