I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
