I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
