I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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