got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
