I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
