Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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