I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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