We won't sleep together?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
