Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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