I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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