I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This house was built for laser tag.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
