Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
