Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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