You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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